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| "dreaming true' from tant.co |
This post has been the most difficult to write because not only was it terrifying on its own and occurred when I was so young, but the entity encountered here continued to attack me at random times through out my life.
The dream-that-was-not-a-dream happened a few months after the Angel's visit. In the dream (that wasn't) I was in my house on the Air Force Base and it was afternoon. Alone in my parent's room,I was afraid because I was by myself. I looked out of the double windows that over-looked the back yard and rapped on the glass to get my mother's attention- she was in the back yard with our dog. She told me to play and she would be back inside shortly.
Laying on the floor were three large piles of laundry as if they had been sorted for color before washing. Still feeling afraid ,I decided to distract myself and play while I waited for my mother to come indoors. The game I chose was to jump over the piles of clothes without touching any of them. I did this successfully 2 or 3 times but the 4th time I miscalculated and landed on the clothing.
And fell in. I fell all the way through - like Alice down the well - and landed in the arms of someone or something.It was a female and she had long talons for finger nails and short blond curly hair, very similar to how Glen Close wore her hair many years later in the movie with Michael Douglas and an unfortunate rabbit.
The thing held me very close and began laughing as she scratched me, tickled me and constricted her arms making it difficult to breath or move. The physical attack was terrifying but the mental attack was worse- she projected such an over riding feeling of dread and malice directly into my psyche that the effect was to simply give up. To go limp and give in. This thing was completely and utterly evil. It wanted nothing more than to transmit that to me. I wish there was a more effective way to relay what this thing did to the mind and soul- not to mention the outer body but words truly escape me. There was no dramatic rescue by the Angel, no Fairy Godmother who showed up to banish this thing. As far as I remember I woke up from this 'dream' scared, shaking, and crying and waited until it was 'morning enough' to get out of bed.
How do I know this wasn't just a very vivid nightmare? Because not only did I have the exact dream several more time -each with my being the current age as opposed to the original 5 years old - but this Thing has attacked me in different ways over the years- most recently while staying in New Orleans.
How do I know that this wasn't a dream related to a spooky movie I saw? Because we were not allowed to see them. My mother was VERY strict about what we watched - at 5 not only was television usage restricted for my brother and I what we watched was relegated to Sesame Street, The Wonderful World of Disney or whatever game show my father was watching if he was home from an over-seas trip.
Where did this Thing come from and what is it? Its taken me many years to sort this out and new pieces to the puzzle present themselves on occasion .
As for what it is I believe it to be an entity that the Christian Church would call a Demon. There is nothing good about this thing and its goal is to terrorize and destroy. Is it female? I don't know- it has always chosen to show itself as such.
Where did it come from? It is my opinion that it was originally drawn to my father due to his war experiences and once in our home found me to be better for snacking on. Don't get me wrong - this is not a 'tell-all' blog wherein I blame my family for my troubles. I'm sure there is room for that somewhere, but not here. My father certainly didn't voluntarily serve his country fighting in a jungle for the sole purpose of bringing home a demon to terrorize his daughter. That is absurdity at its highest level. Having researched the type of physical attack that this entity first used it is eerily similar to torture techniques described by POWs from that war. Why did it stop using those types of attacks on me? Because over the years it has gotten to know me and what will REALLY terrorize me- which is its goal and delight. That is the worst thing about this entity - the gleefulness in which it levels its attacks.
This is the last situation with other-realm entities that I remember from this time period. A situation developed shortly after this that taught me in no uncertain terms that discussing these encounters with the adults in my life would not be advisable. I imagine that the majority of children who have abilities such as mine learn this the hard way as well.
This is not to suggest that I just wandered through my 5 to 6 year old life with nary a care; I wish that were true but its not. While other realms kept to themselves for awhile there was still THIS realm to navigate and no adult to talk to about it. I knew which friend's homes where 'bad' simply by crossing the threshold. I learned to not trust how a house 'looked' - most of these homes where nicely decorated, clean and upper middle-class yet so uncomfortable I could not step more than a foot or two inside the door. (in adult speak: which homes held unhappy or dysfunctional vibrations).
I knew when adults lied - this happened a shockingly HUGE number of times and shaped my parenting skills like nothing else. The dishonesty was so callous and unnecessary and left me in a constant state of fear, paranoia and anxiousness.
Church was a mine-field for my kindergarten self too, I absolutely believed in Jesus, Angels, Mary, etc. but the rules I knew to be contrived and I didn't understand why any questions asked were met with anger and fear. My lesson-once again - was to not speak to or ask adults about these things. While very sad and lonely at the time it allowed for an insatiable thirst for knowledge regarding religions and beliefs from then on out. If the Church's goal was to silence me and scare me into submission it ultimately failed miserably and I give it full credit for that.
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| Original painting by me - 'Mr Elmo's in the Treme'. The house we stay in in Nola |
As I mentioned this Thing has made regular though random appearances over the years. At first it was several years of repeats of the Laundry-game Dream-that-was-not-a-dream. At each incident I was the age in the dream that I was in 'real life' and I *knew* what was happening though I was powerless to do anything but act it out as it had occurred in the original dream of my 5 year old self.
In the early 2000's she switched it up and began showing herself as a woman with green skin. She would sit on my chest while I 'slept' and I was powerless to move, breathe, or cry out. I was not on any medication to account for this 'sleep paralysis'. This went on - off and on - for about 5 years. During this time I was involved with a Wiccan Clergy Training group and there was A LOT of psychic energy flowing in and around me as well as other realm entities that I routinely worked with (much more on that time period later on in this blog) but this Thing has always been able to slip into my psyche and simply remove me from this realm as well as any realm where I may find succor. She isolates me to prey on me. To this day I have yet to find a deity, god, goddess, saint or angel that can keep her from doing this.There also seems to be no rhyme or reason as to when she shows up. No pattern that I can discern and thereby defend myself.
In early Spring of 2014 my husband and I were driving home from a visit to family in Florida. We stopped for the night in Atlanta at a brand new hotel that was clean, comfortable and in no way felt 'off' to me. We watched TV for a bit and fell asleep-all perfectly normal.
At some point I became aware that I was somewhere else. It *looked* like New Orleans just after Katrina- flooded and stinky and people wandering about lost. I knew I was somewhere else and in another 'dream-that-wasn't-a-dream'. In this place I was pushing a metal shopping cart ('buggy' my brain quickly corrected me) through water that was gross and oily and smelled terrible. It was up to my upper thighs. My dog Megan (who has passed) was in the shopping cart (buggy) and I was trying so hard to push it through this miasma of gunky water because I needed her to be safe. It all seemed hopeless and I was so hot and so thirsty and I didn't think I was going to be able to do this. Just then a woman tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I turned around and it was her- the Thing. She didn't have green skin or long fingernails any more but her hair was the same. She smiled at me and my knees buckled. It was absolutely terrifying. I was prey and I had been caught. She said she could help me and before I could move or say anything she produced a large knife and cut off my dog's head, tossing it nonchalantly into the noxious water. She then very calmly told me that it would be easier to push the buggy now because there was less in it.
I woke up crying. It was emotionally devastating and so scary. I had not saved my dog, the Thing had found me again and I couldn't get the gruesome images out of my head. I cried through breakfast and for most of the morning on the road.
In November of 2015 while staying at our regular house in New Orleans it found me again. Again I was removed from any realm I was familiar with. I was in a house . A staircase going to a second floor was to my right and I was among a group at a dinner of some sort. It was happy and easy going but I didn't know where I was or how I had gotten there. Just then I noticed a woman walking down the stairs. I tried to hide but I couldn't move. She turned her head , saw me and smiled. I felt like a bug that had been impaled by a straight pin - I couldn't leave, there was no escape and she had found me again. She walks me outside to a large grill where dinner is being cooked. People are standing around it and man has sliced a section of my current dog, Bentley's cheek off of his head that is there on the grill.
My dog again - no head, I had at least found out her new game.
I woke with a huge jolt and couldn't get out of bed fast enough. I ran out the back door of our house in New Orleans to the courtyard and the swimming pool and I jumped in- I needed to cleanse and wake fully. It was an instinctual response. After that I dried off, dressed and made one of many pots of coffee waiting for my husband to wake up. At 11 am when the Botanica around the corner opened I was first in the door asking the Haitian Mambo for help with cleansing the house. I had one more night there before we left for Michigan and I wanted no repeats of that dream-that-wasn't. It was comforting to speak with the Mambo but in my heart of hearts I knew it was over for now- the Thing never visited twice in a row.
I will apologize now for those of you who read this and are offended by the gruesome images and the negative experiences. I sincerely wish I was of the 'all is love and light' variety of psychic,I wish the Angels that I saw were beautiful blond haired beings. I wish the Fae were sweet twinkling winged little girls and I wish there were no entities that gained such pleasure from hunting and terrorizing humans. I mostly wish that my earliest experiences weren't so scary. As I grew older and matured I was gifted with more positive and loving entities and experiences; I promise I will tell you about those too...
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