The Perfect Storm

 

'calm in the storm' by Ann Cultri

The events that occurred when I was approximately kindergarten aged have haunted me - sometimes literally - for the decades since. I'm still not quite sure how to categorize the things that happened but I think in the last 40+ years I have come to a basic understanding of what occurred over the 2 years or so that we lived in that house.

  When I was somewhere around 4 or 5 years old my father was stationed at an East Coast Air Force Base and we resided in Officer's Housing on that base. This means that we lived in a larger home in a more traditional neighborhood setting than what was provided for Enlisted Service People and their families. I remember the house itself being nice and fairly roomy - 3 bedroom, 2 full baths, traditional downstairs with eat-in kitchen , dining room and living room. The house was not scary.The incidents that occurred in it were terrifying.

  Its difficult to express in words the feelings that I have come to reconcile with that time. Living in a 'haunted house' would have been so much easier -- and that has happened, and it is. This, however, was more about haunted people and what they bring through. Some of what occurred I believe to have been ' Thought Forms' produced by the adults in the house. Some of the entities I believe were unintentionally brought through from the fear and trauma of those same adults.Some entities came through due to the fear and terror that I was experiencing as a young child. The same energy that allowed for the production of a 'Thought Form' also allowed for an opening between realms or planes for other entities to come forth.

( a quick primer about 'Thought Forms' : Thought Forms are physical manifestations of an emotion produced by a living human, usually by accident. Practicing and trained Witches and Mages can and do create Thought Forms but these constructed entities don't run amok . They are created for a specific purpose and are controlled by their creator. When a non trained person inadvertently creates a Thought Form it is chaotic to say the least. This type of Thought Form is  the product of extreme stress, emotional distress and trauma that is not being appropriately dealt with on this realm. It is a *type* of Poltergeist activity but less random than what would traditionally be seen with that scenario. A Thought Form is personalized energy - it has a form and is separate from the creator. Poltergeist activity is just that- activity. Plates fly about, chairs move, lights flicker, etc.)  

Where to start? I suppose with the adults since we have already established that even as a young child I was extremely sensitive and had Medium and Psychic abilities.  Some of what I say here will be conjecture as this time has never been talked about in my family.

  My father is a Vietnam Vet. During this time period -1974-76 (ish) he had been home from Vietnam I would guess about 4 years . He had completed additional training in his chosen profession within the Air Force and this new station began his non-war, non-training time. (I may be off on this and I'm sure if any of my direct family happens across this blog they will let me know. But, again, since so little is talked about during that time this is what I have pieced together).
My mother was a stay-at-home wife and mother typical of that time though I remember that she and a friend had a wall-papering service on the side. My mother and her mother would have considered themselves 'devout' - church every Sunday and grace said before every meal. They both also had a leaning toward the more mystical ends of their Christianity- firmly believing in a spiritual war between a powerful Satan and their God. This expressed itself with talking in tongues, anointing the home's entrances, fasting, a belief in The Rapture and group prayer.  It also expressed itself in an unrelenting and oppressive spiritual environment of fear. All worship- while verbally expressed as Love for the deity - was done to appease the fear of hell fire and damnation of not being 'saved'.
 My father - at the time - was non spiritual, non religious and non repentant.
Add the spiritual fear, the trauma of a war, and a mother who I'm sure has some abilities as well -mixed in with a highly sensitive young child and you get a Perfect Psychic Storm of literally Biblical proportions.
   As a child I was very afraid of the dark. I *knew* that the old adage of whatever is there in the light is the same as what is there in the dark was total BS. For one thing- I dreamed in the dark. And my dreams were almost always terrifying. In fact, I don't believe that I had any dreams other than nightmares until I was over the age of 17. Given that I hated to be left alone in the dark bed time was not a happy time for me. Three times in particular have remained with me my entire life--

'My' ballerina was like the image to the left

  The first incident I will describe I believe now to have involved an adult's Thought Form. I was about 5 years old and had been asleep for awhile. I'm not sure how long but the rest of my family was asleep and everything was dark. I became aware of movement to my left where my green and white checked canopy bed butted up to the room's exterior wall. I looked fully in that direction and saw small red 'devils' (that is what they looked like to me) moving up and down between the bed and the wall - almost like there was a trampoline on the floor that they were jumping  on. I remember that there were 3 of them. I don't remember being frightened at that point, just more curious as to what they were and why they were there. They made no noise and seemed to pay me no mind at all.
 I heard a noise then and rolled over facing right and the door of my room that led to the hallway and almost directly across from my parents room. To the left of my door there was a ballerina picture that was that weird 1970's foil that appeared to move--very cheesy, but  I was 5 and I loved that picture! But as I scanned the doorway, the hall outside and my room trying to figure out what I had heard, that picture became a point of terror. I heard laughter - male laughter. I looked at the ballerina picture that I always loved but the ballerina was gone. Instead there was an image of that weird blue-eyed almost Irish Jesus. We had many of these images around the house so my first thought was that my Mother had put that there instead of my ballerina picture. But as I watched ,the image of that Jesus slowly turned into a skull- it was laughing and I could hear it. The skull burst into flames and said very clearly "You'll never see him again". Well that about did it for me- I was up and out of that bed and across the hall to my parents' room like a shot. This was a regular occurrence- the running to my parents' room when I was afraid, though THIS vision was beyond anything I had every experienced before in my young life. This time, rather than run to my mother's side of the bed to the left as I had always done,I ran to my father's. I woke him up crying. He sat up, took one look at me and began screaming. Then from down the hall my brother began screaming. My mother was up and trying to figure out what had happened. From that point on I don't remember much except that my father said that when I woke him up he didn't see me there- He saw a skull. My brother also said he had dreamed of a skull.
 I have never ever forgotten this incident. It has never blurred or been relegated to the back part of my head as a 'realistic nightmare' - I've had plenty of those and this was not that. It has taken me many decades to come to a tenuous understanding of what might have happened that night. Raised as an evangelical Christian I spent many years believing that this was a physical manifestation of that Spiritual Warfare that I had been raised with; Satan had chosen me specifically to threaten. Nice for the ego, huh? As I grew older and found my way out of that belief system my understanding has grown and widened about this. On the one hand the visions were absolutely about the Christian idea of Spiritual Warfare- my mother's fear for my father not being 'born again' combined with the overwhelming fear of hell, Satan, and losing salvation coalesced into this vivid vision or dream that I was able to see and hear. And I mean that literally - I could physically see and hear the skull. When I ran into their room I now believe that I knew this was originating from my mother's subconscious so I went to my father. I woke him suddenly and unexpectedly -- not recommended for a war vet -- and he,being still between sleep and wakefulness ,saw what I saw.

  Though it is doubtful that anyone from my family will ever find and or read these blog posts I feel it only fair to state unequivocally that I do not blame the adults in the house for this particular incident. Our subconscious is a strong vehicle and gets away from the best of us. Add fear, psychic abilities, and war trauma and again - its a perfect storm.

  And then the Angel came... more on that in the next post