The Care and Feeding of a Lost Spirit

image from www.dailybackgrounds.com

 When I was 6 years old my family moved off base and into a nice suburban neighborhood in the same town. We moved into a brand new house- it having been a model home for the emerging development - and I had my own room with pretty pink wallpaper. The neighborhood was carved out of forests and swampy areas allowing for endless play in woods, creeks, and patches of meadows scattered between the homes being built. We lived here until my parent's divorce when I was 11.
  The years spent here were some of my best times. The neighborhood and the times were 'safe' and I was allowed to free range throughout the many acres. As soon as I was permitted each morning, I was out the door and outside; building forts in the woods, catching salamanders near the boggy areas and riding my bike to friend's houses. There was no pre-arranged 'play dates' ; if you showed up and they were home you asked if they wanted to play. If you were at someone else's house at lunch time you were given lunch. When the street lights came on you knew it was time to go home; it was all very simple. I will often times mentally ride my bike throughout that neighborhood if I can't sleep.
  Thankfully the chaos and terror visited upon me in the last house didn't transfer here. I do remember one "laundry game dream" but for the most part everything in my world at that time was pretty wonderful.
   Strangely enough, that was not the case for the rest of the family as I was to find out later. My brother was home more often than me and witnessed the unhappiness of my parent's disintegrating marriage. I am thankful for whatever or whoever allowed me the gift of avoidance.

  When I was somewhere around the age of 10 a girl passed away on the other side of the housing development. She was a little older than me and her mother was an Interior Designer who had converted an old barn into a house. It was amazing an amazing house.
 Courtney died suddenly from a brain hemorrhage at home. The neighborhood mothers were shocked and everyone rallied around the family. Courtney had a younger sister ,who's name I cannot for the life of me remember, but I was volunteered by my mother to babysit for her shortly after Courtney passed away. Having been raised to do as I was told - though I remember absolutely NOT wanting to go to that house - I showed up at the appointed time and date to watch the younger sister while the parents left for the evening. I cannot remember much about the actual babysitting job because Courtney was absolutely still there and very much confused and scared. Her mother had kept her room exactly as it had been before she died and this caused the Spirit no uncertain amount of confusion. Most of what I remember about that night is in flashes of visuals- Courtney's spirit 'rushing' me because someone could finally see her. Her showing me how she died when I tried to ignore her. Her crying in her bedroom and watching her little sister eat breakfast every morning. She tried so hard to communicate but no one in the family was able to see or hear her. I imagine they felt her, I don't know how they couldn't, but more than likely they associated that feeling with their own grief.
 At 10 years old I truly didn't know what to do when I left the house that evening. I was so relieved to be able to get away from the over-powering sadness of the place that I gave no thought about whether or not I *should* do something about or for the Spirit there. My feeling over the years is that Courtney came to terms with her sudden passing and was able to move on as her family healed. I think it took a while though.
   Something I've learned is that the living absolutely have the power to trap the dead through grief, love, or loneliness. Maintaining a personal space ,such as a pre-teen's bedroom,as a shrine for an extended period of time is rarely a healthy idea for the living or the dead. A small space dedicated to a loved one's life is a comfort to both the living and the dead loved one - a picture, piece of jewelry that was cherished, favorite fresh flowers and a candle can offer peace and comfort without becoming a spiritual fly-trap.

  Fast forward many years and a similar confused spirit situation occurred. An acquaintance of mine , more a friend of some friends because she never really cared for me. (this knowledge is often times a lovely bonus of being a Psychic or Sensitive. The absolute deep knowing that you are disliked. It used to cause me no shortage of pain and confusion but as I move through my Middle Age years I've learned that most times this unspoken response by people is none of my business. If I have not caused harm or upset then its not my baggage.) This woman and her former partner had a teen aged son "Chris" (not his real name). Chris died suddenly and unexpectedly from a self inflicted gunshot wound in an apparent suicide. The parents were devastated - of course - and confused because Chris had at no time shown any indication of being depressed, suicidal , or had engaged in excessive use of substances. As a rural family he was well trained with the hunting rifle that caused his death and none of this seemed to make any sense to anyone.
  The morning before I received the afternoon call from the mutual friend about this situation a teen aged male spirit that I did not know showed up in my home with an abundance of fear, confusion and sadness. I didn't know who this spirit was and he was not verbal but radiated his emotions - the most being regret and that an accident had happened. Not knowing where he came from or what I was supposed to do I spiritually 'made space' for him and waited. I was sure that sometime very soon I would know who this boy was and why he was here.
  The call came and we all mourned with the family as well as my personal mourning with this
boy-spirit at the sudden and unexpected loss of his life. He maintained that an accident had happened and that he did not mean to die. He wanted so badly to speak to his mother but was unable to.
For several days I maintained Chris's altar and spiritual space to offer him comfort. Meanwhile the family seemed to be leaning in the direction of not organizing any death ritual for themselves, the community or their son's spirit. This left Chris in true despair- a terrible accident had occurred, he could only find comfort in a stranger's home and there would be no gathering on his behalf by his loved ones. His family was so shocked and in such despair that they simply could not organize such a ritual. Being fairly 'nontraditional' in their life style and religious beliefs also meant that there was no church or religious organization to make the arrangements on their behalf. However, the mother's friends and extended family noticed the true need for a Memorial - 'traditional' or not - and hosted a luncheon for Chris at a local diner. There friends and family stood and shared their memories and love for him as they chose; it was all very low-key and loose. Chris was there and felt all the love and devotion of his family and loved ones. It settled his spirit immensely but he had still not moved on.
   I maintained Chris's space in my home and he passed in and out becoming less 'there' as time went on. When the medical examiner determined that his death was a terrible fluke of an accident Chris came to me while I slept. He was smiling, peaceful, but still a little sad. This boy was definitely not desiring to be out of this life but he was at peace, and grateful that his mother knew he had not willingly left her.
  This situation is why I am hesitant to automatically 'move a spirit on', The prevailing thought within the professional  paranormal community seems to be 'if its here move it to The Light'. Not every Spirit that is interacting on this plane is 'stuck'; some need closure, some are confused, and some maintain pathways between our plane and theirs for the express purpose of interacting (for good or ill). If a Spirit is confused, lost and in need I take my time and try to understand what is needed. I 'make space' for it and dedicate a small altar for her or him. I wait for communication from the spirit itself or from the living.
 Another thing I've learned from the dead is the need for a death or passing ritual. We like to say that a 'funeral is for the living' but I can tell you this is not entirely correct. The dead know that you have gathered and they are almost always in attendance. They feel and sometimes can hear the love and the tributes and it provides as much comfort and closure for them as it does for the living community.